we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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