i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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