i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
