billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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