Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
