Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
