I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
