I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
