my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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