he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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