the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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