He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
