We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
