Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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