Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
even my farts smell like vagina
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
