Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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