then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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