How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
