apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
