i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
