If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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