I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
