Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
smell my finger.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
