dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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