Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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