i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
