Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
