This show inspires me to have sex in space
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
