Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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