i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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