I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
