i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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