He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
