You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
