I wish I could punch you in the face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
