am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
