how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
