i think i have herpe
just one?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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