I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
