he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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