The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
