i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize