Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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