I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
