He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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