my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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