I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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