She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
