she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
