remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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