I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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