In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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