he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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