dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize