"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
