Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
