I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So many bounce houses so little time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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