She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
