Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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