Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
