You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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