I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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