You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
