I wannas sexs uuuuu
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
