Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
