btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
