Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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