hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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