How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
