Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
