I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sorry my hands just texted you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
