I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Randomize
