I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
