Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
