Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
