Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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