new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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